Too long, too long have I lived in isolation. I had created a barrier between myself and the rest of the world, with the purpose of isolating myself. I ignored various stimuli; I ignored most information, labeling them as meaningless and non-essential. Yes it had brought me sharp focus but… isolation is never the way.
I need to put down my perfectionism, and come to accept the world and its people the way it is. I need to come out and adapt myself to the world, instead of trying to figure out how this world works and make it work my way. But ultimately, it is the integration of the two that sparks. To me, either one be too normal and it gets boring, or too strange that it gets crazy. Can it happen that a certain amount of uniqueness, self-reflection is maintained yet at the same time being completely functioning socially? Yes I believe it can happen and it can’t be that hard. That’s what people are. Everyone is unique.
I feel like speaking from a perspective of a child just realizing how this human world works. For too long I have been wrong. Yes I admit I was wrong. One cannot judge subjectively what is right or wrong, for the concept with which one uses to judge is formulated within oneself. One needs to look outside of himself and find some reference to his own, and only this way can correct mapping of reality be formed.
I have been accepting relativism, that everything is relative. No. Within a certain perspective, certain things are absolute. Certain values such as good, love, justice etc. are absolute. Conceptually, two people can be right at the same time, but in reality, it is not possible. Only one can be right.
I really should start taking philosophy classes…
I realize that I have no power on my own. Being conscious of everything can only take you so far. It is the human unconsciousness that is the more powerful one. Einstein didn’t consciously analyzed and formulated theory of relativity. It must have been a sudden burst of the idea, then he consciously analyzed it. So why be so conscious? Why struggle for elevated consciousness? Just let it be.
Once again, living this life, why so serious? I took this life too seriously. Life is fun, enjoy it.
But most importantly, I have ignored people. I got too self-obsessed to look outside of myself and, as a result, missed too much stuff.
On one hand, I still feel like a child. On the other, I feel like an old wise person. The split.
With so many “I”s being used, there’s still too much self-obsession.
But just because I am unlucky enough to not understand life and people, it doesn’t mean I cannot shine through life. Gradually I make sense of it, and once I do, I kick ass.
Bring it on.