Is the education I am getting worth the tuition, the money paid? Absolutely not. I don’t think it is worth it, yet there’s no other way. I have walked this far, so the only way for me is to continue the same path. What have I got to lose? Hmmm, say, $140000. But let’s be honest, what can someone do with $140000? One can consume some luxury things, get an apartment, go to some nice places, eat some really good meals, or invest all in business and take the risk. That’s it. I am spending it on education, for my unidentified future. How bad is it? Can you pay $140000 can get a Purdue engineering degree? No. I should consider myself lucky that I am able to do so.
On another topic. If grouped this way, there are two types of learners: those who has to be taught, and those who teaches themselves. I am among the latter; I do not need to be taught, I find resources and teach myself. This puts me in a bad position in school – disadvantaged in formal education. School is for the norm, not for the exception. Eventually those exceptions are going to be taught differently, nevertheless, attending university is the best we have right now.
On myself, I do see progress. I am getting bolder. I can finally say what I want to say, but still may not do what I want to do. There’s a disparity between what I think I need to do and my actions. My posts on Macrothought are getting more and more opinionated. I am more and more ego centric. This isn’t necessarily bad in that I am speaking (or writing) up for myself. I stand what I believe in and I reveal my position on different matters. I unleash my creativity and I do not care whether you like it or not. This is the way: show yourself, do your best.
See, I am undoing the damage to myself over my whole life. My parents used to handle everything for me and now it’s my turn. I become independent, completely independent (except financially, what a shame). I trust my logic, I trust my instinct, and I trust my decisions. I don’t do things to please people. I do things which lead to a better result.
Sorry for the strong tone. I write this just to make myself happy again. There’s just too much negativities in my mind and I need to fight them back.
P.S. It’s going to be interesting if I look back years from now, how I mentally and emotionally progress through the years. This is one of the original purposes of Macrothought – my trace of development.